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2007 Q3

September 28, 2007

Thank you Bob Gates, Bush, GOP, Dems, Suicidal Foreign Policy

Defense stocks hit new highs

Defense stocks on Wednesday hit new highs as Defense Secretary Robert Gates requested an extra $42 billion in funding from Congress to cover military costs in Iraq and Afghanistan in 2008.

Related item: The Rational Enquirer's Perpetual War Portfolio. Kicking ass on the major indices since 2002.

September 27, 2007

Rings a Bell Somewhere

Everyone's a Critic

The role of the fashion guru, once the domain of a self-selecting set of magazine editors and red carpet personalities like Joan Rivers and Mr. Blackwell, has become a free-for-all. With the proliferation of fashion programming and cable shows devoted to celebrity style, onetime models, soap opera stars, washed-up designers, ex-boy-band members and the occasional Playboy bunny now make themselves available to pontificate about style on cue.

Related item: www.magnificentbastard.com

September 26, 2007

Knocked Up and Let Down

Knocked Up dack.com movie rating (0-10): 4

I don't remember ever being this disappointed in a movie, given its pedigree and great critic reviews. Wanders all over the place for over 2 hours until finally collapsing into a heap of chick-flick crappiness. The 40 Year-Old Virgin, while it had its own issues with cornball rom-com, is about twice the movie.

Might be worth it if you enjoy looking at Katherine Heigl. Otherwise, avoid.

September 25, 2007



I'm not sure which is most nauseating:

1. This picture, or
2. The fact that Taco Bell trashed an all-time great '80s tune to sell burritos, or
3. That McDonald's is jumping on the "melty" bandwagon. Now their double cheeseburger is "melty, beefy." Only $.99!


Today on Magnificent Bastard

* Cufflinks
* New Saddam Gives a Speech at Columbia University

September 21, 2007

Today on Magnificent Bastard

* President Bush wearing Crocs. No joke!
* Most excellent value on a Hickey suit. With live gerbera.


Brawndo! The Thirst Mutilator!

Idiocracy Now that Idiocracy is on Cinemax, I've seen it about six more times and it's genius. Pure fucking genius.

Sample marketing messages in 498 years (2505):

"Welcome to Costco. I love you."

"Carl's Jr. Fuck you. I'm eating."

"If you don't smoke Tarrlytons... Fuck you!"

September 19, 2007


Dick Nixon

I've heard some Bill Belichick - Richard Nixon comparisons over the past few days, but no one has put it better than Frank Deford on today's Morning Edition.

September 18, 2007

Good (Free) News

As of midnight tonight, Frank Rich, free.


More from dack.com's eternal quest in the religions of science and reason:

Is 'Do Unto Others' Written Into Our Genes?

At first glance, natural selection and the survival of the fittest may seem to reward only the most selfish values. But for animals that live in groups, selfishness must be strictly curbed or there will be no advantage to social living. Could the behaviors evolved by social animals to make societies work be the foundation from which human morality evolved?
September 17, 2007


Just wondering if it's normal when my 5 and 3 year-old sons simultaneously shout "Penis Fight!," pull their pants down a little and pretend to have a swordfight with their junior Johnsons.

Vaguely related item: Quentin Tarantino's greatest contribution to cinema: His analysis of Top Gun in a pretty good indie, Sleep With Me.


Atheism makes headlines in the Washington Post over the weekend. My favorite graphs:

They (atheists) tend to be more educated, more affluent and more likely to be male and unmarried than those with active faith, according to the Barna study.


In a nationwide poll last year by University of Minnesota researchers, Americans rated atheists below Muslims, recent immigrants and other minority groups in "sharing their vision of American society." They also associated atheists with everything from criminal behavior to rampant materialism.
September 14, 2007

Shut the Fuck Up, Donny!

I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowskidack.com book rating (0-10): 8

A must-read for any fan of the greatest movie ever made. My favorite part happens early, in the foreword, written by Jeff Bridges:

Recently someone asked me, "How would you feel at the end of your career if the role you were most famous for was for the Dude?" "I'd be fucking delighted," I told him.

September 12, 2007

Creatively Bankrupt?

Hollywood officially has two ideas:

1. Cock
2. Balls

And they've only got one idea for a poster:

Mr. Woodcock
Mr. Woodcock
Balls of Fury
Balls of Fury

Place your bets on which crap movie has the crappiest cin-o-matic rating. Balls is at 3.4/10.

September 10, 2007


Just returned from a long Las Vegas Weekend, where I discovered that Bellagio is for old people, and that my Wisconsin Badgers aren't nearly as good as advertised. More later. In the meantime, some inspired posts are happening at magnificentbastard.com, like Does bin Laden Read Magnificent Bastard?

September 7, 2007


The insurgents aren't down with the narrative that Anbar is a success story:

Seven U.S. Soldiers Are Killed in Iraq

Seven U.S. troops have been killed in Iraq, including four in the western province of Anbar, the U.S. military said on Friday.
September 6, 2007

8 years later...

...IBM riffs on the bullshit generator:

IBM Bullshit

September 4, 2007


Ted Thompson Two ways to really get my goat: 1.) not have any running backs for the season opener against Philadelphia, and 2.) use meaningless and totally fucking annoying catchphrases:

"It is what it is," said general manager Ted Thompson, the man responsible for crafting the Packers' roster. "You just have to keep going, and you try to pick the best guys for your team, where you are at that particular time. So that's kind of where we are. But at the end of the day, we feel pretty good about this group."


Speaking of Football...

Great nugget hidden at the bottom of this WaPo article about Appalachian State's upset of Michigan over the weekend:

When quarterback Amarti Edwards checked his e-mail, 100 Ohio State fans had requested to become his friend on Facebook.


Still More Football: In The Bag:

Packers Bike

16 in. Team BMX Bike, via Packers Pro Shop. $69.95.

August 31, 2007

"I'm a fairly wide guy."

The audio recording of Larry Craig being interrogated by Minneapolis police is even more pathetic than any of the articles describing the incident, if that's possible.

Partial transcript from AP.

August 30, 2007

Blame Others

Larry Craig

It's cool that conservative Republican Larry Craig wants to have sex with men. "Live-and-let-live" is the official dack.com slogan. But a.) Does it have to be in a public restroom in my fair city?, and b.) Why is he such a being such a lying weasel about it? The guilty plea was a mistake?? I'm told personal responsiblity is one of the GOP's core principles.

August 28, 2007

Truth/Grammatically Challenged


Run that shit by someone first. Otherwise you might look like a complete fucking hack.

August 27, 2007

An All-Volunteer Army?

Many Take Army's 'Quick Ship' Bonus

More than 90 percent of the Army's new recruits since late July have accepted a $20,000 "quick ship" bonus to leave for basic combat training by the end of September, putting thousands of Americans into uniform almost immediately.


Something Very Interesting Is Happening

Playmobil Pirates of the CaribbeanMy 5 year-old son would rather watch every single Playmobil pirates stop-motion animation movie on YouTube than a Happy Feet rental from Netflix. His favorite is a 10-minute version of The Pirates of the Caribbean, in French.


In The Bag:

Bluefly had an additional 20% off sale yesterday, and dack.com went a little crazy. One of the best finds:

Adam Lippes Cashmere Sweater

White/brown featherweight silk-cashmere v-neck sweater, via Bluefly. $86.39.

August 23, 2007

Grandma and Grandpa Gettin' Groovy

Naked Old People

Many Found Sexually Active Into the 70s

Most Americans remain sexually active into their 60s, and nearly half continue to have sex regularly into their early 70s, researchers are reporting today as a result of the most comprehensive national survey to date of sexual behavior among older adults.
August 22, 2007

Today on the Magnificent Bastard:

Straight men and white jeans? But of course!

White Jeans

August 20, 2007

Today on the Magnificent Bastard:

* Cool watches. Panerai. Omega. O&W.
* Back the shit off! Copyright!


Kevin Bacon Gets It

Kevin Bacon

I've never thought much of Maxim -- it's always seemed like GQ's drooling, retarded brother with a constant boner -- but their 10-year anniversary issue (yeah, the one with the hot Lindsay Lohan photos) is pretty damn good. Kevin Bacon is interviewed about death (Death Sentence opens next month):

Do you think you'll end up in heaven or hell?
I don't believe in an afterlife. In theory an afterlife is supposed to keep you from sin, but people use it as an excuse to fuck up while they're still in this life. I figure this life is all I get, so I'd better make the best of it.

What items would you like with you in your coffin?
No coffin for me. Burn me up and scatter me around. And don't spend too much time grieving.

dack.com addendum: Please make my "funeral" a kegger.


In the Bag:

Buying this in order to keep tabs on my beer/wine/bourbon/gin/tonic gut.

Tanita BC553 Ironman InnerScan Body 
Composition Monitor PRO Series

Tanita BC553 Ironman InnerScan Body Composition Monitor PRO Series, via amazon. $119.

August 17, 2007

Frankenclyde is Back


Best. Sneaker. Ever. And they're back. Read about it at the Magnificent Bastard.


Blowing Shit Up Is Good

Perpetual War Portfolio

In these turbulent times I'd like to remind folks of the Perpetual War Portfolio, launched in late 2002. It's kicking the ass of the S&P, Dow, and Nasdaq. In spite of its appreciation, as long as the GOP and Democrats are in power, this is *still* a good bet for your kids' education fund.

August 14, 2007

The Scary Thing Is, I Look Like This Guy

Ken Fashion Insider

Ken Fashion Insider, via some guy on ebay. $20.49.

August 13, 2007

Captain On Cue

Just days after my rant about how US counterinsurgency techniques make no sense, yesterday in the Washington Post, former Marine captain Nathaniel Fick makes the same point in a must-read Op-Ed.

...this was my first time on the other end of an American machine gun. It's not something I'll forget. It's not the sort of thing ordinary Afghans forget, either, and it reminded me that heavy-handed military tactics can alienate the people we're trying to help while playing into the hands of the people we're trying to defeat.


In the Bag:

Varvatos Pants

John Varvatos washed sport pant, via Tobi. $82.


Today on Magnificent Bastard:

* Ask the MB. Are docksiders still cool?
* More jugs. Paul Smith naked lady, in silver.
* Magic-making AG jeans on sale.

August 9, 2007

Completely Counterproductive Stupidity

So get this. Turns out that dropping bombs on a population makes it difficult to win hearts and minds:

British Criticize U.S. Air Attacks in Afghan Region

A senior British commander in southern Afghanistan said in recent weeks that he had asked that American Special Forces leave his area of operations because the high level of civilian casualties they had caused was making it difficult to win over local people.

Call me an early adopter, but in October, 2001, I wondered what sense it made to fight terrorism with bombs. (Answer: Fucking zero.)

Fighting terrorism is demand-side, not supply-side. Figure that shit out already!


Today on Magnificent Bastard:

Wii Boogie

Wii Boogie

August 7, 2007

Newsflash: Men Go For Looks; Women Not So Much

I am about a week late on the University of Texas sex study, and while the media made a big deal about the top 10 reasons men and women have sex matching up very closely, what I think has been overlooked is the continued dominance of the lizard brain in men. Of the top 50 reasons why men and women have sex, here's where the pure "animal attraction" items fall for both sexes:

The person had a desirable body 34 16
The person had an attractive face 28 18
The person was too "hot" (sexy) to resist - 34
I saw the person naked and could not resist - 38
The person was too physically attractive to resist - 42


All Hail China's Death Penalty!


As regular readers know, I'm not a big fan of Chinese food, specifically the fucked-up shit that makes its way into our food supply. Chinese livers, on the other hand, might come in very handy in a few years.


Can Anyone Write a New York Times Editorial?

Michael O'Hanlon Again I am a little late on this, but apparently there was quite an uproar last week when the Brookings' gasbag duo of Ken Pollack and Michael O'Hanlon got a bunch more press time for their latest wish-thinking about Iraq. Once again, dack.com's ahead of the curve, two months ago wondering why in the hell anyone in the media would give a forum to Michael O'Hanlon since he's been wrong over and over and over and over about Iraq since 2002.

Frank Rich's takedown of these two shameless, desperate "scholars" is almost worth Times Select alone.

August 6, 2007

"You're Stressed Out, John Anderton"

It's an Ad, Ad, Ad, Ad World

The plan is to build a global digital ad network that uses offshore labor to create thousands of versions of ads. Then, using data about consumers and computer algorithms, the network will decide which advertising message to show at which moment to every person who turns on a computer, cellphone or -- eventually -- a television.

From The Minority Report:


Today on Magnificent Bastard...

Hillary Clinton -- The Garanimals Candidate

Hillary Clinton — The Garanimals Candidate.

August 2, 2007

Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Total Toolbag

Check it out. And let me know what you think.

August 1, 2007

Pigs Fly!


Vice President Dick Cheney said he was wrong two years ago when he declared that the Iraq insurgency was in its "last throes."
No joke.

July 31, 2007

RIP Tom Snyder

Snyder Love the shirt, man!

dack.com firing up a colortini and watching the pictures, now, as they fly through the air. Dead at 71.

July 30, 2007


Lindsay's Bracelet

10 days ago dack.com heaped scorn on the idea that an alcohol monitoring device (called the SCRAM) had become a celebrity fashion statement.

Turns out, Lindsay Lohan didn't think it made much of one either. According to People (my wife's subscription, not mine), Lohan removed her bracelet "frequently" ... probably when she was about to slam a bottle of Grey Goose.


I Know Who Killed MeFelony arrest is certainly bad, but not nearly as bad as the critic reviews for her latest movie, I Know Who Killed Me. It's the lowest rated movie on cin-o-matic this year.

July 27, 2007

Fat South

Fat South

Not only do they have bad politics and bad beliefs and Waffle Houses, they're the fattest, too.

Reminds me of an earlier dack.com post:

I mean, 600,000 people. 600,000 people died in the Civil War. And for what? To save the Union? Why? Why do we want to save the Union? Who cares? What is so important about saving the Union? Do you need the South?
July 26, 2007

WARNING: Unsafe Levels of Extreme Schadenfreude Ahead

John McCain

First of all, if anyone ever created a hedcut of me, showing my neck fat to this extreme, ya'll be checkin' the CNN ticker for a murder-suicide incident.

Second, dack.com flagged this web-development theft a couple of weeks ago, but the Wall Street Journal makes clear it's actually worse than originally thought:

Also last year, Mr. Davis and his lobbying partner formed 3eDC, which soon would oversee the campaign's Web site and online fund raising. It received $339,940 before the contract's cancellation in April and billed more than $1 million. The campaign's single biggest debt is the remaining $721,066, according to its recent report to the Federal Election Commission.

Check the million dollar web site: johnmccain.com

July 25, 2007

All She Needs Is A 9MM


I've been trying to think of the largest celebrity meltdown *since* Lindsay Lohan, and the best I can think of is Mike Tyson. Anyone else come to mind?

Anyhow, I don't know how to exactly put my finger on it, but any reasonably hot, fake-blonde chick who's blowing a .13, with coke in her pocket, and chasing down an assistant's mom in an Escalede in her Denali (with two passengers) ... well, throw in a gun and let's call it true love.

July 24, 2007

Snowball's Chance In Hell

Dennis Kucinich

Top 1 reason you know you are a fringe voter: When Dennis Kucinich is the only Democratic candidate who makes even the slightest bit of sense.

July 23, 2007

How the Hell Does He Know?

Faye Jim Bakker, fraudulent and criminal religious huckster, who fellow (dead) huckster Jerry Falwell called "the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history," on the death of his ex-wife:

She is now in Heaven with her mother and grandmother and Jesus Christ, the one who she loves and has served from childbirth.

One has to wonder ... where are dad and grandpa?


Today on magnificentbastard.com:

* Clinton's Cleavage Campaign -- Let's Nip It In the Bud
* Modern Amusement Can Really Deliver Boardshorts

July 19, 2007

I'd Red-Line This Thing

SCRAMFrom the "Holy Shit, I Can't Fucking Believe That's A Real Article" Department, yesterday the Washington Post wrote about a big, ugly alcohol monitoring device that's become a fashion statement among celebrities. Yes, we are all very happy you've addressed your "problem," but do ya really need to advertise it? And in the case of Lindsay Lohan, all it does is distract from those tremendous jugs.

Lindsay Lohan

July 18, 2007

The Eagle Lion Has Landed

Magnificent Bastard

The Magnificent Bastard. Your Sherpa. Your Life Caddy. Your Sensei. Your Brutha.

Check it.

Many thanks to everyone who helped make this possible. Specifically John Mamus, Tony Robran, Margaret Andrews, and Adam Sellke.

It's still a bit of a cub now. Lion be roarin' very soon.

July 16, 2007

OK. I admit. If you can find me, I deserve the firm, square kick in the balls, because magnificentbastard.com ain't launching until tomorrow. Or maybe Wednesday. (Do I hear Thursday?) Unfortunately I doubt it's going to be worth the wait.

For a site that actually made its July 16th launch date, check out the new linksmagazine.com. This is one of the only magazines I read, and now they've got a web site to match their great mag. If you're at all into golf travel or golf course architecture, it's a must-read.

July 12, 2007

Now Hiring

Dack needs a project manager. No PMI certification required. No coffee making or picking up dry cleaning required (though you may be asked to go on the occasional booze run, and take a kid to soccer and another kid to swimming lessons). He just needs someone to keep all the shit straight that's going on, and to provide focus when he sees a bright shiny object. Interested? Send him a note.


dack.com/bookie is placing the over/under on John McCain's withdrawl from the race at 35 days (August 15). Place your bets!

July 11, 2007

McCain death-watch now into high gear, thanks to hubris:

And the campaign had burned through most of the $24 million it had raised in the first half of the year on hefty salaries for staff members and consultants, a heavy travel schedule and all manner of other expenses, leaving it with less cash at the end of June than even the bare-bones presidential campaign of Representative Ron Paul, Republican of Texas.

and what looks like corruption:

There were also reports of Mr. McCain's aides benefiting by their association with the campaign, exacerbating long-standing tensions between Mr. Weaver and Mr. Davis. The campaign retained a company co-owned by Mr. Davis, 3eDC, to run its Web site, and Mr. Weaver went to Mr. Davis and tried to stop the arrangement, aides said. The campaign owed the company $175,802 at the end of the first quarter, according to its filings.

Visit johnmccain.com and see if he's getting his money's worth.

July 10, 2007

Wicked Woman

I'm sorry I don't have more pictures to share from my visit to the northwoods. My wife saw them and *deleted* them, saying it was evil and wrong to put them on a web site. But she missed one:

Umbrella Hats

Happy couple at the Boulder Junction 4th of July parade. And they weren't even in it!


In spite of the wicked woman's deletion of prized pics, she of course took some of the fam:

Thing One
Thing One
Thing Two (+ Snoopy)
Thing Two


So I get an email asking me what kind of laptop bag she should buy. Anyone who's been reading this site for a while knows of the deep, heart-wrenching dilemmas I've faced finding the right laptop bag. I finally ended up with a cheap gem from Flight001, but their inventory is currently weak, like they're going out of business soon. Then it hit me: Fucking Mandarina Duck! Though a bit pricey, they make about the coolest shit out there, and I found a site with gobs of it: Portland Luggage.

Hopefully In The Bag for Some Lucky Bastard:

Mandarina Duck Laptop Bag

Mandarina Duck Laptop Bag, via Portland Luggage. $290.

email: dack@dack.com© 1998-2023 dack.com